Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Wednesday Wisdom: TFM Advice

I was never in a sorority, but I definitely read Total Frat Move (TFM). Today I saw a FANTASTIC fashion article (who would have thought TFM would have good fashion advice?!) that I had to share. 

The article is entitled "Why Women Should Stop Wearing High Waisted Shorts" and is well worth a read. There are some fashion trends I will never understand (crop tops, massive wedges, neon makeup, ect) and high wasited shorts are one of them. TFM points out all the best arguments against them, but I would say that #1 should say NO ONE looks good in them. 

If you are looking to purchase shorts for this summer, try a longer short (8-10" inseam) or the classic 5" inseam that looks good on nearly everyone. 

I hope you enjoy this article as much as I did. Leave a comment with a fashion trend you don't understand and maybe we can all figure it out together. 


Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Shorts

I'd like to preface this one with a disclaimer: I am not a fashion designer. Man, it feels good to get that one off my chest. All I am is a guy who has some strong opinions and a keyboard, and I’d like to take some time out of your day to talk about a fashion epidemic that is making the beautiful asses of the world disappear, one by one.
If the title and that astoundingly subtle lead-in didn’t clue you in enough, I’m talking about the late-’80s craze of high-waisted shorts resurfacing on the rumps of college-aged girls everywhere. If the Bieber Fever epidemic has taught us anything, it’s this: just because something is popular, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a good thing. I’m here to explain why this high-waisted trend has become nearly as unwelcome as the Canadian pop icon himself.

Only Supermodels Look Good In Them

I know there are exceptions to every rule out there. If you REALLY think you know someone who can pull off the high-waist look, then please feel free to email me some photographic proof ( For the vast majority of girls, however, this fashion statement just doesn’t cut it.
Sure, the smoking hot supermodels of the world have the ass/breast/waist ratio to make this look happen, but chances are most girls on your college campus don’t come anywhere close. There are plenty of other trendy clothes to wear that don’t make you look like a two-year-old who is overconfident in his potty-training abilities. Let’s leave the “I’m a big kid now!” style pull-ups to the toddlers.

Your Homemade Pair Looks Even Worse

Look, I get it. It sounds like a great idea in theory. You head down to Goodwill, pick up the most mom-tastic pair of jeans you can find, and spend an afternoon slicing, dicing, and acid-washing until you’re left with a seemingly fashionable pair of chest-chokers. If only it were that easy. In most cases, the end result of this scissor-session looks more like your dog went on a destructive rampage in your closet.
If you’re going to ignore my advice and still rock the high-waisted look, the least you can do is own it with a pair of professionally made shorts. There’s a reason that some random 48-year-old gave away those hip blasting abominations. She sure as hell didn’t expect them to be transformed into a $3.50 crafting project for a sorority girl on a budget. Remember ladies, just because you can craft up an amazing cooler, it doesn’t mean you’re quite ready to make a fashion statement with a highrise pair of decade-old Levi’s.

They Make Great A**es Disappear

This is a magic trick that David Blaine couldn’t even pull off, yet these mom jean enthusiasts shock crowds with no sleight-of-hand or magic words required. The second almost any well-proportioned gal fastens that ribcage choking waistband, she might as well proclaim, “Now you see it! Now you don’t!”
Before the feminists start blasting me on Twitter, I realize that not every item of women’s clothing is made for the sole purpose of enticing sexual interest from men. But come on, ladies. These might be hip right now, but they aren’t doing your natural blessings any favors. As the old adage goes, “If you got it, flaunt it, and don’t hide it behind a lung choking tribute to trendiness.”

They Remind Us Of Our Grandmothers

First and foremost, I love my grandma. She’s a phenomenal cook, a great person, and writes one hell of a $12 birthday check every year. I just think the categories of “people I want to have sex with” and “my parent’s mother” should never have this much crossover.

It’s a scientific fact that the older a person gets, the higher up their waistline ultimately becomes. It’s like the opposite of the effect that gravity ultimately holds over your nipples. Why speed the process along on your 65-year journey to the old lady lifestyle by dressing like one now?
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  1. Hilarious! I actually *somewhat* disagree though. I think for many, many body types a high waist hits at the smallest part of the natural waist, rather than low rider jeans that hit at the widest part of the natural waist. What does sticking a tight, non-stretchy band around the widest part of the mid-section do? MUFFIN TOP! Even extremely thin women can have muffin tops in low rise jeans because they grab in a place that nearly everyone stores extra body fat. That said... High rise cut offs are god awful and don't need to exist.

    -- Alex at Cashmere Kangaroo

    1. I think that the key to not getting muffin top is to size up until shorts fit without bulge. Shorts shouldn't be so tight that they cause unwanted rolls, but unfortunately that is the style (sigh...) and though high waisted shorts may not cause muffin top, they do cause all the other problems listed above. Thanks for reading!!

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  3. Ugh, an otherwise attractive girl was wearing some of these shredded abominations at a rather ghetto pool party at my apartments this past weekend.

    I will never understand why such objective, aesthetically horrible styles ever catch on... v_v

  4. Haha, I had to laugh at the article and how funny it was. However, the day I dress for a man is the day that they dress me for my funeral and put me in the ground :P


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